Amendments

Thanks to all who called, wrote or text'd their thoughts on my last post. Apparently, there are many areas where exceptions must be granted for changing fandom. Allow me to address these.

1. You're a girl.

In the pre-Title IX days, many of the fairer sex did not get exposed to sports, instead spending many hours with their Barbie dolls play-acting elaborate scenarios on how to rip out men's hearts when they got older. Sports was for Fathers and Sons. So many women grew up without an affiliation. How do they pick a team?

First and foremost, you should adopt the favorite teams of your boyfriend, husband, significant other, life partner. Don't question it, just do it. At least feign a desire to learn more about the players, watch games with the hubby, ask questions. The last is a double-edged sword, however. If you causually ask for a quick explanation of the sacrifice fly rule over morning toast, your boyfriend just might leap from his chair and take you right there in the breakfast nook. If you ask him that during a game, he'll ignore you at best and tell you to "Shut It!" at worst. Gotta pick your spots.

In the event the relationship goes sour, you are welcome to abandon the team(s) as well. Clean breaks are always best. All's fair in love and war and you'll likely find yourself rooting vociferously against those teams if it was a bad break-up and consciously avoiding other men who favor those sides.

Naturally, some of you ladies did have mothers and fathers who passed to you a love of sports and in that case, you are bound to the original rules.

2. No local team.

These people end up being Yankee fans, so fuck 'em. Seriously, there's an entire generation of rural Americans who became Bomber fans because of an unhealthy Man Crush on Don Mattingly. Sure, great swing, fine ambassador for the game, but I like to think it was the John Holmes moustache that drew this particular crowd.

3. Your favorite team moves.

Being still in the throes of a divorce, the very idea of this feels like an ice pick to the kidneys. Sure, I was plenty pissed when X took off with that Douchebag, but it's not nearly as bad as if the A's moved to Puerto Rico or something.

Most of my extended family is from St. Louis and not a one of 'em followed the football Cardinals out to the desert. Totally fair. I would never advocate loyalty to a cheating spouse. Of course, those same relatives glommed onto the Rams when they hit town and that's also okay, though it feels a little dirty, because now they're the "Cheater" instead of the "Cheated." Then again, who gives a shit about Anaheim. Bitch probably deserved it.

In some instances, I'd go so far as to say it's MANDATORY that you cease your fandom for a moving franchise. Some betrayals just can't be suffered. I'm looking at you Art Modell. And you Bob Irsay.