Repressed Intelligence

Back in the day, a friend of mine (nicknamed "The Rooster," not because he was a big fan of cocks, like this guy, but because he loved Alice in Chains to an alarming/stalkerish extent) and I used to make prop bets on how many paragraphs it would take for the local pop music writer to mention Nirvana in his latest article. Bob Dylan profile? Check. Paragraph 11. Review of Los Lobos' latest? Yup. Paragraph Two.

I've noticed a similar trend in sportswriting lately, especially during the winter meetings, where it seems every columnist is resurrecting "Moneyball" to serve as the counter-point to whatever absurd hypothesis they're trying to put forth. There's this one jackass North of the Border (Richard Griffin, Toronto Star) who has apparently been greivously wronged by one William Lamar Beane (or one Michael Lewis), because he invokes the book at every opportunity. From his writings, it's impossible to discern if he's a quart low of reading comprehension fluid or if he never read the book at all, since he has not once portrayed its theme correctly.

His latest steaming pile* intimates a) that the A's unemotionally traded or allowed all their stars to leave because of a "Moneyball" philosophy. First off, exactly how many MLB payrolls could absorb the combined costs of the contracts of Giambi, Tejada, Hudson, Mulder, Isringhausen (or Foulke) and Big Hurt? That's better than $250 million. Second, in no universe would the departure of Jason Giambi ever be considered "unemotional." Third, "Moneyball" is, listen up Dick, ABOUT EXPLOITING MARKET INEFFICIENCY.

And ridiculous salaries is an inefficiency. Giving Alfonso Soriano or Vernon Wells that kind of money is wasting resources that could be better used elsewhere. Cost-to-benefit analysis. But I suppose you approve of the contract Gil Meche got from Kansas City. Whereas, those of us with a discerning eye, with an "unemotional" reliance on statistics think it's possibly the worst contract in history. Because where you "old-school" a-holes see his 95 mph fastball, plus curve and plus change and "project" what he can do, we see his 5+ ERA away from spacious Safeco and the fact he throws nearly 18 pitches an inning over the course of his career, which makes him a very expensive 6-inning pitcher.

DickGriff also takes a swipe at the A's attendance, a subject so impossibly played out that it's like comedians who make jokes about airplane food. I wouldn't even mention it but for the fact the A's have out-drawn Dick's hometoiwn Jays in 5 of the last 6 seasons.

The over/under in # of paragraphs it takes DickGriff to mention "Moneyball" in his next column is 8. The line that he mis-represents it is -1,200.

*Tip of the cap to Fire Joe Morgan